As female entrepreneurs we’ve all heard of self-sabotage and how it can hold us back. But knowing what it is, how to spot it and most of all how to stop doing it… that’s something else altogether.
Allow me to answer all of this and more …
Basically, self-sabotage is a pattern of thoughts or behaviours which holds you back and prevents you from doing what you truly want, achieving your goals and fulfilling your potential. It’s the thoughts and behaviours that keep us, and our businesses, stuck!
The problem is, we can often be self-sabotaging without even realising we’re doing it!
This is because the thoughts and behaviours are driven by the beliefs held deep within our unconscious mind – limiting beliefs in this case. We don’t even know, in some cases, that we believe them. They’re that ingrained. But, that doesn’t mean we can’t discover them, it doesn’t mean we can’t over-come them and it doesn’t mean we can’t learn new beliefs that DO serve us and our dreams.
Limiting beliefs can be about anything:
self-perception, our perception of others or the world around us. They are untrue stories we are telling ourselves, untrue stories which appear to be very real.
For female entrepreneurs, in my experience, limiting beliefs tend to fall into three main categories:
Self-worth e.g. I’m not good enough.
Money e.g. All rich people are evil or money is hard to come by.
Time e.g. There aren’t enough hours in the day or I don’t have enough time.
The exact wording of your limiting beliefs (and I am yet to meet someone who doesn’t have any!) will be personal to you, but I would bet a decent amount that you relate in some way to the categories above.
So, we’ve established that you WILL have limiting beliefs – you may even have started to consider beliefs you hadn’t considered before – but how do we spot it when we’re self-sabotaging?
Well, as with lots of things, the thoughts and behaviours that manifest from the limiting beliefs you’re holding onto can be different but, again, there are some common ones you might recognise…
Procrastinating… putting off tasks that will drive your business forward.
Comparison… checking out other people in your field to the point you talk yourself out of doing something.
Excuses… finding reasons not to do certain things. ‘My audience doesn’t need to see me live’, anyone?
Blame… passing responsibility for your success onto other people, or organisations or events.
Giving up… sometimes it’s absolutely the right thing to do, to walk away from something that’s not working for you, but is it a pattern of behaviour and impulsive or fully reflected?
Boundaries…or lack of them… finding it difficult to say ‘no’.
Avoiding… conflict or challenging conversations where you would benefit from stating your feelings and needs.
How many of these do you relate to?
How many will you admit (to yourself or do email me if you’d like to confess to someone else!) to doing on a regular basis?
What have these behaviours stopped you from doing?
You don’t need me to tell you that self-sabotage, however it shows up for you, is not an ingredient for success. And that it isn’t conclusive to happiness and wealth. But here’s the thing you might need me to tell you… That you deserve to create the life and business you want, without getting in your own way!
Want to know how you can stop self-sabotaging? Read the sentence above again and you’ll see that I said it, there, just now. It comes down to getting out of your own way! We could spend a lifetime procrastinating, making excuses and comparing ourselves to other people but where would we be?
To get out of your own way means taking responsibility for your own success (although it doesn’t mean you can’t ask for help, support or guidance along the way). It means owning it and creating it. And it starts by discovering what you’re telling yourself that simply isn’t true (those limiting beliefs). What is REALLY holding you back? Once you know, you can work on it. You can release it and change it.
It’s never too late to learn new things and positive, beneficial beliefs about yourself, time and/or money are no different!
Is it time to step outside of your comfort zone and make these changes once and for all?
Have you ever really, truly tried?
If you’re ready to stop stopping yourself, or to learn more about the support I currently offer in moving from sabotage to success then you’ll want to chat. You can book a free 20 minute clarity call here or check out the ways you can work with me here.