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Having it all is not the same as doing it all


Purvi Kay is extraordinary…but don’t just take my word for it! I have invited her to guest blog for me – read on to hear her story (and tips!)


I often talk about harmonising a career, business and parenthood and how you can have it all without any compromise or overwhelm.


BUT


Having it all IS NOT the same as doing it all.


It isn’t wrong to want to have it all, but often in the quest for doing so we forget why we want to have it all, we lose track of what’s most important to us and we begin doing everything! We begin to say YES to all opportunities, we feel like if we don’t we might miss out.


Of course, this is not sustainable and can have the opposite effect to what you are striving to achieve.



I have a thriving career, a career coaching business and two amazing little boys, but a couple of months ago, harmonising it all was challenging to say the least.


Both my sons got chicken pox 2 weeks apart, with my eldest and I getting COVID in between and then I ended up with a super cold which wiped me out! We are in the process of moving house, and I was finishing my current job to start a new one soon.


A lot was going on!

This impacted a whole month of business schedules, work commitments and eventually my health!


Was my career, business, and parenthood in harmony?....NO!


But…… the world was still spinning!

So sometimes we need to accept that life will throw some curve balls and we just have to go with the flow.


WE DON'T HAVE TO BE EVERYTHING TO DO EVERYTHING!

WE JUST NEED TO DO THE BEST AT THAT TIME!


Here are a few things I’d recommend doing when you are not able to juggle the life balls with precision.


1. Prioritising what's most important to you.


Think about why you are doing what you are. What do you value most in your life at that time and so what’s most important? That becomes your number 1 priority. If you give your number 1 priority the attention and energy it needs, everything else will fall into place. In my case, family comes above anything hence giving dedicated time and energy to my sick kids was unquestionable. It is so easy to get lost in the rat race of life, so it is really good practice to evaluate your life’s priorities on a quarterly basis in order to stay true to yourself and ensure life is as you want it to be.


2. Letting go of what is out of your control


This can be hard to do but so impactful if you get it right. When things are not going to plan we often want to take control because it feels safe to do so. We want to control the situation, the environment, and the outcome. But instead we end up putting pressure on ourselves for not meeting our commitments for not being efficient. Think carefully about why you are in that position, was it something you could have controlled or avoided? If the answer is NO then LET GO and create some headspace to focus on what’s important. I could only apologise when I had to cancel key work and business commitments. The relationships I had formed meant the other person was more than understanding and didn't mind last minutes changes

3. Setting clear boundaries


Saying yes all the time doesn’t prepare us well for stressful life events like the one that I had. Post-pandemic, we are taking on more work than ever, playing the meeting marathon game on a daily basis, staying constantly connected to our inbox and taking less breaks. It is important to be self-aware of how much you can take on and set clear boundaries at work and business to avoid burnout. Here are a few things to focus on when setting boundaries:


· Understand your worth and make the important things in your life non-negotiable. If you are clear about this from the onset then when life gets tricky it is easier to navigate through the challenges because you know where you will not compromise


· Communicate your boundaries clearly and concisely. Let people know what you will not tolerate. If you don’t make others aware of your boundaries don’t feel disrespected when they are crossed.


· Be consistent when acting on your boundaries. If you’ve said no to evening work/meetings, be consistent with it so you can manage expectations.

4. Be aware of burnout


People experience burn-out in different ways. It is very important you accept that burnout is possible and you too could become a victim. Whether you recognize the warning signs or you’re already past the breaking point, being in denial and trying to continue with exhaustion can be detrimental to your mental and physical well-being. As soon as you detect signs it is time to pause and change direction. Learn how you can overcome burnout and feel healthy and positive again. The three ‘R’ approach is an easy way to do this:


Recognize – Be aware of and watch out for the warning signs of burnout and how they are different to stress

Reverse - Undo the damage by seeking support

Resilience – Build resilience to stress by taking care of your physical and emotional health.


5. Check your fun-o-meter


Pause and reflect, in trying to thrive at everything are you sucking all the fun out of life? Is it becoming harder to get up and get going in the mornings? Are you left with zero energy at the end of the day? Is it all worth it? Are you too focused on the end goal that you have forgotten to enjoy the journey? This one simple step has always kept me in check and when necessary, it has helped me change direction and steered me towards a more fulfilling goal.


Because ultimately life is for living, not just for surviving

In conclusion, prioritise the important things, and what you value the most. Let go of whatever is out of your control to free up some much needed headspace. Setting and communicating clear boundaries that are truly aligned with you will help you avoid burnout. If you do feel like you are on the verge of burnout, learn how to recognise and reverse it and build resilience to stress.


Finally, if you take one thing away from this blog, it’s making sure your fun-o-meter is recording a fun, fulfilled and rewarding life of harmony, no matter how much you have going on.


Remember you don’t have to it all on your own! If need be, re-evaluate your job, business and life by seeking help from mentors and coaches who can help you navigate through the curve balls and to set better direction. It’s the best investment you will make, an investment in you and your life!


As a qualified Aerospace Engineer with a 14 year career in the UK Civil Service, a mum to two little boys and founder of Daasi Caching, a career coaching business. I am on a quest to help high-achieving professionals go from struggle and stress to extraordinary success!


The experience, insights and learnings from my own extraordinary journey, through several promotions (even securing a promotion whilst on maternity leave) and setting up my own coaching business whilst in a full-time job, puts me in good stead to help others land their dream job and/or build their dream business so they can curate the empowered, harmonised life they deserve!

If this is what you are looking for then connect with me via the channels below and let's chat. Facebook - www.facebook.com/daasicoaching Free Facebook Community - Being Extraordinary - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1260541271031950/ Instagram- www.instagram.com/daasicoaching Email - purvikay@daasi.co.uk

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